Gold Mine Gutted

For my essay class last semester (I go to OCAD! I'm in my first year) we had to pick a song and analyze its lyrics as if they were a poem. I wrote about one of my favourite songs that I fell for when I was 13 years old: Gold Mine Gutted by Bright Eyes. I was reading through one on my recent pieces of writing for my Indigenous Art class and thought it sounded pretty good. Writing essays used to feel so intimidating and I could never really articulate myself because I never really tapped into my opinions - whether I had one or not - when I was younger. Identifying what I think and believe through writing and journaling and voice notes and even Tik Tok's has been really affirming and validating. I feel like I studied and read for a long time before I was able to articulate myself this way and I feel proud for arriving there publicly. Personally I see all my old journals and realize I've always had that need to put truth to words. I started journaling at 9 years old and I'm incredibly grateful for that practise. I realized yesterday how Harriet the Spy was likely the catalyst for my journaling. For Christmas 1997 I received the VHS (it was orange!) and a small pink sitting chair built for a 6 year old (me). I remember being plopped in on that chair in front of the tv watching Harriet the Spy. Another notable movie was Selena which set me up to love the artist still to this day. Harriet the Spy validated my tomboy-ness. My noticing. My quietness, my curiousity. I immediately fell in love with Harriet's name, hair and clothes. The fact that she had a nice nanny. Funnily enough, I was lucky enough to nanny from 2017 to 2020. I got to go from Harriet to Golly 🥺. I loved that she had friends that liked to be childlike and silly with her. I wanted that. Michelle Trachtenberg, you will be so missed. Thank you for gifting so many of us with the validation of the little tomboy girlie that nobody "gets".

Okay! Below is the beloved song by Bright Eyes as well as the essay I wrote for class. I'd love to know what you think, comment below! Don't forget to subscribe for free to get these posts directly to your inbox ☺️

In 2005 a new sub genre of music and style was in full swing: “emo” - short for “emotional” - and Bright Eyes were an essential band within the zeitgeist representing the softer, quieter side of emo.  It was a time where young, talented artists were refreshingly open and vulnerable in their music, particularly about mental health struggles. In comparison to the Billboard Hot 100 list, songs considered “emo” had darker, grittier imagery and melodies. The sub genre originated in Washington, DC, birthed from hardcore punk around the mid 80’s, with bands such as Jawbreaker and Sunny Day Real Estate leading the way for mainstream artists such as Weezer and Jimmy Eat World. Many of these artists shared an honest look at their sadness, anger, social alienation, depression, suicidality, drug-use and so on. Fifteen years before being diagnosed with MDD and C-PTSD, emo music gave me a place of belonging and Bright Eyes were at the forefront of those feelings for me. The band’s front-man Conor Oberst creates lyrics that still comfort and move me to this day. Oberst’s lyrics are unique in their structure and tone, using imagery that paints complex feelings and moments effortlessly.

Growing up in the “sorrowful” midwest, Oberst was writing, creating and releasing music by age thirteen, often a pivotal year for the perils and tribulations of puberty. Gold Mine Gutted appears on Bright Eye’s seventh studio album Digital Ash in a Digital Urn, a piece of work that broadly reflects on Oberst’s coming-of-age experiences with love and death. The first two lines of this particular song feel incredibly poetic: “It was Don DeLillo, whiskey, me / and a blinking midnight clock.” This visual sets the tone for the rest of the song - something melancholy and lonely seeps into your mind’s eye. A scene is set in my imagination: his legs tucked up on a worn brown chair, a lone dusty lamp lighting his book, an empty house and the night sky outside. The suburban familiarity of loneliness and escapism. I believe the imagery here is literal and lends well to creating an atmosphere within the song. Deeper into the lyrics Oberst refers to himself and another (possibly a girlfriend or close friend) as “gold mines” that were “gutted”. My first impression as a teenager of this specific line was that “they” referred to their parents or caretakers. I imagined Oberst and his friend as children, full of unconditional love (gold), then slowly being depleted of that inner light as they got older. In reality, Oberst is discussing the inner destruction of one’s self from cocaine, while also witnessing the destruction of another by the same vice. Both my interpretation and the true story behind this imagery echo the same feeling of depletion in such a transparent and digestible way that Oberst really excels at. Using a personification of gold and goldmines, Oberst is able to highlight the inherent inner “light”, brilliance and value inside both himself and his friend while also calling to the void and emptiness left behind once the gold mine has been emptied and consumed.

The first iteration of Gold Mine Gutted was written after Oberst’s cherished friend and fellow singer/songwriter Elliot Smith passed away in 2003 at age 34. Oberst began working on the song while collaborating with artist Jenny Lewis in her home while they were both grieving their mutual friend. In the past I hadn’t known of the events that prompted the creation of this song, but now I can feel and hear the heaviness of grief throughout. Embarrassingly enough, it hadn’t even clicked what “white lines” even meant until I learned the context. For no particular reason, instead of lines of cocaine, I originally thought Oberst was talking about the lines painted on roads, as if he had to “speed up” to the cars. As much as I appreciate my childhood naivety, I now have a much better grasp on the feeling of this song as a whole. Understanding the complexity of addiction, death and grief deepens the song's imagery and emotions. “All those white lines that sped us up / we hurried to our death / well I lagged behind / but you got ahead” is a brilliant example of Oberst’s use of symbolism in his lyrics that feel so simple while also being incredibly devastating. Connecting the rush and adrenaline of drugs to running helps add a feeling of breathlessness as well as desperation to the song. “From the sidelines / I see you run” instills a cinematic energy, as if the scene is set in slow motion. At the same time, there is a sense of urgency without reward, as if the finish line is at the edge of a tall cliff. A marathon of runners where nobody wins, fantastical in its morbidity. By “lagging behind” Oberst was able to slow down his drug use. Sadly, “you got ahead” tells us that Oberst is not only witnessing Smith continue his hurried race to destruction with drugs, but also watching him distance himself from their connection and moving closer to his heartbreaking fate.

Witnessing someone else's slow death by self-apathy is a different type of grief, especially when that pain stretches out for a long period of time. People say that folks need to want to change, or else they won’t be able to. It can feel incredibly hopeless to care for someone that doesn’t care for themselves. Due to my personal experiences, I know this is not a conscious decision, but rather something that emerges from the depths of depression and its cruel grip on its host. 

Oberst brilliantly weaves together the complexity and suffering we can experience when watching our loved ones abandon their well-being through his use of imagery in “Gold Mine Gutted”. His comparisons and word choices are able to communicate the feeling of glory, beauty, loss and defeat in the story he’s sharing. Oberst is able to communicate a lot of emotion from the death of his friend, allowing a safe space for feeling the grief we all experience in our lifetimes.

It was Don DeLillo, whiskey, me
And a blinking midnight clock
Speakers on a TV stand
Just a turntable to watch
And the smoke came out our mouths
On all those hooded sweatshirt walks
We were a stroke of luck
We were a gold mine, they gutted us
And from the sidelines you see me run
Until I'm out of breath
Living the good life, I left for dead
The sorrowful Midwest
Well I did my best...
To keep my head
It was grass stained jeans and incompletes
And a girl from class to touch
But you think about yourself too much
And you ruin who you love
Well all these claims at consciousness
My stray dog freedom
Let's have a nice clean cut
Like a bag we buy and divy up
And from the sidelines, I see you run
Until you're out of breath
And all those white lines that sped us up
We hurried to our death
Well I lagged behind...
So you got ahead

Lyrics by Conor Oberst